Life and Stuff

Alright, I admit that the last piece was not as good as some other ones, but this a business in which creativity is always an asset. I was just trying something a little different. It did not work out, but hey, you can't blame me for trying. I hereby declare that there will be no more phony mailbags ever. as long as I am running this show. So today I would like to present to you a list of questions sent to me by a Juan Mortyme in Pennsylvania. He has supplied me with a list of 10 highly bizarre questions that I will do my best in answering.

1. Q: Why do all sports radio DJ's talk about food?

A: It's because they're all single and fat and they have nothing better to spend their six figure paychecks on.

2. Q Is it better to eat at home or at the ballpark. where they charge $15.00 for a hot dog?

A: I have never been to a ballpark where a hot dog costs that much, but I prefer eating out before or after the game. It's probably half the price and if you go to a real family style place you really can get your money's worth.

3. Q: Why isn't there a 30 run rule in baseball?

A: There should be a mercy rule. Not necessarily a 30 run rule. The Orioles should be ashamed of themselves for allowing this to happen.

4. Q: If the Bruins score a goal in the forest will anyone make a sound?

A: Maybe you can hear a faint "yay" sound off in the distance, but that's about it.

5. Q. Why do we park in driveways and drive on parkways?

A: That's the product of some genius who got drunk or high one night at a bar and thought it would be funny to flip flop the functions of the names and everyone took him seriously.

6. Q: If some people have two left feet, where are the people with two right feet?

A: There are no people with two right feet. People with two left feet are descendants of cats.

7. Q: Where is "Mr. Gameshow?"

A: In the ground six feet under with my Teddy Ruxpin and Spuds McKenzie dolls.

8. Q: Is it true that they're bringing back Bob Barker and Merv Griffin to do a game show?

A: Yes it is, Bob will be doing a national tour of "The Price is Right" in nursing homes and Senior citizen's centers. Merv is currently hosting heaven's version of "Jeopardy" in which anyone who finishes with a negative score gets sent straight to hell. no questions asked.

9. Q: Is Vanna White a robot?

A: Yes, Vanna is a powerful cyborg who is capable of crushing the skull of any contestant who calls for an x when there is only one letter left in the entire puzzle and it's obvious to anyone in the free world that x is not it.

10. Q: Can you sue a deer even if he has no doe?

A: I suppose, but good luck trying to catch him because he can run fa, which is a long, long way to run.